Metal Gear: Road Trip
by ContainedChaos
Summary: A funeral for Big Boss is being held in Tokyo and Snake, Otacon, and Raiden decide to drive there and on the way the way they get into more then they imagined. (New Chapter is up) Warining: Raiden Bashing.. but not constant.
1. The begining.

Metal Gear: Road trip!  
  
  
I don't own Metal Gear Solid or any of its characters.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: A Funeral for Big Boss!  
  
  
-Raiden signs online as LoveMonkey99-  
  
  
Mr. AOL: Welcome!  
  
  
-Raiden jumps up and points his Socom backwards and in an irritating cracking voice yells-  
  
  
Raiden: Fwweeeeezzzz!!!  
  
  
Mr. AOL: You got mail!  
  
  
-Raiden put his gun away with a sigh of relief-  
  
  
Raiden: Duh! Its just the mail man!  
  
  
-Raiden skips towards the door while putting on his blue wig-  
  
  
Raiden: I must look pretty for mail man....  
  
  
-Raiden slowly opens the door and peeks out side-  
  
  
Raiden: ..?  
  
  
Raiden: I.. have killed him..  
  
  
-An Instant Message pops up-  
  
  
Raiden: Oh no I have been caught! I must hide from the enemy!  
  
  
-Raiden jumped into the corner and put a lamp shade on his head-  
  
  
Raiden: I... am hidden.  
  
  
-Snake slowly approaches the door and notices that it is slightly open-   
  
  
Snake: hmm...   
  
  
-Snake closes the door and turns to find the computer on and begins to talk in a fake robot voice-  
  
  
Snake: Oh-look-some-one-left-the-computer-on-I-better-check-to-make-sure-its-not-downloading-the-virus  
  
  
-Snakes rushes to the computer and sees an Instant Message from SonzOfBigBozz-  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: Is that you Jack? Be a good boy and put Uncle Snake on..  
  
  
-Snake grunted and began to type-  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: What do you want Solidus...  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: Ah, brother! How is life?  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: .....  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: :]   
  
  
LoveMonkey99: ...?  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: O_o  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: ..why are you so cheerful?   
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: We are to attend a funeral for Big Boss!  
  
  
-Otacon walks down the steps into the kitchen and has a double take of the "Lamp"-  
  
  
Otacon: ... What an ugly lamp.. Snake I hope you didn't go on e-bay again  
  
  
-Snake turns his head toward the "Lamp"-  
  
  
Snake: Hmm... yep that's one ugly lamp... can I shoot it?  
  
  
-Raiden hops out from under the lamps shade-  
  
  
Raiden: Never!  
  
  
Otacon: ... I kinda knew it was him.. after all he is ugly..  
  
  
Snake: ... Can I still shoot him?  
  
  
Otacon: No!  
  
  
Snake: Why not?  
  
  
Otacon: Well.. uh... that is... I mean... .... why can't we shoot him?  
  
  
Raiden: No please!!! I have a wife and a kid!  
  
  
Otacon: Then why are you living here in Alaska?  
  
  
==============Mean While In New York===========  
  
  
-Rose is sitting in a dark room lit only by candles wearing a fruit hat she is sitting in front of   
a huge picture of Raiden that covers the entire wall-  
  
  
Rose: DO you know what tomorrow is???  
  
  
-The picture breaks-  
  
  
===============Back In Alaska=========  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: and when is this "funeral" going to happen?  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: 5 days methinks...  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: .... and... where?  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: Tokyo.. I believe  
  
  
LoveMonkey99: .... Fine I will go  
  
  
SonzOfBigBozz: Good glad to hear it!  
  
  
-Snake shut off AOL-  
  
  
Mr. AOL: Goodbye!!  
  
  
Raiden: Whose leaving??  
  
  
Snake: Otacon pack some gear were going to Tokyo.  
  
  
Otacon: Tokyo? What for?  
  
  
Snake: -stands up slowly pointing a finger in the air patriotic music plays- To attend a funeral for my father Big Boss!  
  
  
To Be Continued! 


	2. So it starts....

Metal Gear: Road Trip!  
  
  
Chapter 2: The Road Trip and The Demon Cat  
  
  
I Don't own metal gear solid! Nor do I own any characters.. except evil kitten  
  
  
-Otacon could be seen pushing a green Volkswagen up a steep hill while Snake and Raiden relax in the car-  
  
  
Otacon: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...  
  
  
Snake: Ah the good life! -snake leaned back and propped his feed on the dashboard-  
  
  
Raiden: Are we there yet?  
  
  
Snake: Nope.. -Snake stretched-  
  
  
Raiden: Now?  
  
  
Snake: No. -Snake lit a cigarette-  
  
  
Raiden: How about now?  
  
  
Snake: NO! -Snake finished "War and Peace"-  
  
  
Raiden: ......  
  
  
-Otacon finally manages to push the car on top of the hill.-  
  
  
Otacon: Finally! Now we can get going -Otacon jumps in the front seat-  
.. hey Snake you read "War and Peace"!  
  
Raiden: -Raiden pulls out his Barbie radio from the trunk and begins to listen to it-  
Wake me when we get to Oakland.  
  
Snake: ....  
  
  
-Snake presses down on the gas pedal and they begin to speed down the hill-  
  
  
-after moments of awkward silence they come to a high way-  
  
  
Raiden: How about now?  
  
  
Snake: ......  
  
  
-Raiden is left in the middle of the high way as the car speeds off-  
  
  
Raiden: Hey! Come back!... hey cool, my favorite song!  
  
  
Raiden: -starts to sing in a horrible voice- Opps I did it again!  
  
  
-the car stops-  
  
  
Raiden: Maybe they realize true talent..  
  
  
BLAM BLAM BLAM!  
  
  
-Raiden drops to the floor-  
  
  
Raiden: My hip!  
  
  
Otacon: -looking in the rear view mirror- come on now.. was that really necessary?   
  
  
Snake: Yes  
  
  
Kitten: Mow  
  
-A helpless kitten is sitting on the side walk-  
  
  
Snake: *Yawn*  
  
  
-The Volkswagen is speeding down the hill-  
  
  
Kitten: Purr   
  
  
-The kitten steps into the street-  
  
Snake: *Grunts*  
  
  
-The Volkswagen picks up speed reaching a ground breaking 20 miles per hour-  
  
  
-The kitten is at the inter section-  
  
  
-The Volkswagen is 10 feet from the inter section-  
  
  
Otacon: .... Snake.... Snake.. SNAKE WATCH OUT A KITTEN!! -Otacon grabbed the wheel and swerved the car around the kitten-  
  
  
-The car was intact and so was the helpless little kitten-  
  
  
Kitten: Meow?  
  
  
Otacon: Whew... that was a close one -Otacon looked out the window- The kittens ok too, thank...  
  
  
BLAM  
  
  
Otacon: !!  
  
  
Otacon: What did you do!?   
  
  
Snake: It was dying...  
  
  
Otacon: It was fine!  
  
  
Snake: It was shivering!  
  
  
Otacon: Its 90 degrees!!  
  
  
Snake: In Alaska?  
  
  
Otacon: Give me this! -Otacon grabbed the gun and quickly tossed it out the window-  
  
  
Snake: My gun!  
  
  
Otacon: Go give the Kitten a proper burial and I will give you the gun.  
  
  
Snake: I have another gun...  
  
  
Otacon: Says who?  
  
  
Snake: ....uh..  
  
  
Snake: Fine.. -Snake opens the door and steps out of the car-  
  
  
-A Limo pulls up to the Volkswagen-   
  
  
Limo Driver: Excuse me but do you have any yellow mustard?  
  
  
Otacon: I'm sorry, I don't  
  
  
Snake: ..?  
  
  
-Snake can't find any trace of the Cat-  
  
  
-A sled pulls up to the Volkswagen-  
  
  
Santa: Excuse me but do you have any milk for my cookies?  
  
  
Otacon: Nope..  
  
  
-Snakes Codec rings-   
  
  
Snake: Who could be calling at a time like this!?  
  
  
-Snake activated his Codec-   
  
  
Snake: Solid Pizza, how may I help you?  
  
  
-only breathing is heard-  
  
  
Snake: ... hello?  
  
  
-nothing-  
  
  
Snake: W-who is this??   
  
  
Voice- Meow  
  
  
Snake: !? -Snake quickly jumped in the car and sped off-  
  
  
Otacon: What's wrong?  
  
  
Snake: N-nothing!   
  
  
-3 minutes later-  
  
  
Otacon: So then the bird says: Rubbah Lubber  
  
  
Snake: Interesting...  
  
  
-Ring, Ring-  
  
  
Snake: Excuse me... one sec..  
  
  
-Snake activates the Codec-  
  
  
Snake- Hello?  
  
  
Voice- ...  
  
  
Otacon: .. something fell in your shoe...  
  
  
Snake: What fell in my shoe?  
  
  
Voice- Chhhhaaaapppppppsssstttiiicccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk  
  
  
Snake: -takes the chap stick out of his shoe- !?  
  
  
Snake: Sorry but I got a telemarketer on the other line! -click-   
  
  
Otacon: Who was that?  
  
  
Snake: .... Bill Clinton  
  
  
Otacon: Oh..... wait what?  
  
  
Snake: ...Hey Otacon.. where are we..  
  
  
Otacon: Were in Denver ..... Denver!?  
  
  
Snake: Strange.... -the car stops- ? Oh no! The car broke down!  
  
  
Otacon: Luckily we broke down on the edge of this cliff... -Otacon looks out the front widow and all the way down into a valley-  
  
  
Snake: ....is the grand canyon in Denver?   
  
  
Otacon: Let me lean forward carelessly and check  
  
  
-the Car tips over and rolls down the side of the cliff and explodes in a fiery ball of rage!-  
  
  
  
Snake: Luckily those dolphins saved us at the very last minute...  
  
  
Otacon: -Stands up slowly and brushes him self off- Where are we now?  
  
  
Snake: Some spooky woods I suppose...  
  
  
Otacon: Look! A mansion! What luck!  
  
  
Snake: A mansion placed conveniently in the middle of the woods to perform tests with horrific side effects and not get the nearby city involved? What are the odds of that..  
  
Otacon: I'm not sure.. but lets investigate!  
  
  
Snake: Ok!  
  
  
To Be Continued! 


	3. Resident Road Trip Part 1

Metal Gear: Road Trip!  
  
I don't own Metal Gear Solid or any of its characters or Goro.. or Mortal Kombat....or Star Wars.... or any other popular franchise that appears in this story..  
  
Chapter III:  
  
A short time ago in a city far, far away.....  
  
Metal Gear: Road Trip  
Episode III: The Arm Strikes Back   
  
After repeated attempt to revive the brave dolphins that saved them from the burning wreckage of the Millennium Volkswagen our hero's: Solid Snakewalker and Hal Solo find a suspicious mansion in the woods and decide to bravely investigate but little do they know what's waiting for them.....  
  
-the mansions front door busts open as Snake walks in with a very large gun while "bad to the bone" plays-  
  
Snake: Where did this come from? -Snake tosses the gun away as the music stops-  
  
Otacon: Wow... this place is big..  
  
Snake: And I bet they have various puzzles scattered around the complex and strangely shaped keys hidden in awkward and dangerous areas....  
  
Otacon: ......... no..  
  
Snake: -points- Lets go explore that scary and dark hallway over there!  
  
Otacon: Ok.. -Otacon nervously follows behind Snake as they both stop at the entrance to the hall way-  
  
Snake: After you!  
  
Otacon: No, after you!  
  
Snake: No, I insist!  
  
Otacon: Age before beauty!  
  
Snake: *grunt* Well...uh... Dork.... before Cool... guy...  
  
Otacon: Oh yeah?  
  
Snake: Yeah!  
  
Otacon: Fine... -Otacon walks half way into the hall way when 6 arms burst through the wall and grab him-  
  
Otacon: AAIIEE!!! I'm to smart to die!! -Otacon begins to cry-  
  
Goro: Arrgghhh Goro angry, lose Mortal Kombat! -Goro began to squeeze Otacon- Hold still Goro give you noogie!  
  
Otacon: Help!  
  
-Snake runs around in circles screaming-   
  
Snake: HEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!  
  
-A zombie dog busts through a widow and chases Snake-  
  
Snake: AAIIEE!!!  
  
-the dog jumps up and bites Snakes bandana. Snake keeps running dragging the dog on the floor behind him-  
  
Snake: AAIIEE!!!!!!  
  
-a holographic image of Big Boss appears in front of Snake-  
  
Big Boss: Use the force, Snake..  
  
Snake: Of course!  
  
-Snake whips out a light saber and cuts the dog in half-  
  
Snake: Woo almost lost my cool -puts some shades on and walks up to Otacon-  
  
Goro: Grr puny glasses man so weak!  
  
-Goro gives Otacon a noogie-  
  
Otacon: No!!!!  
  
Snake: Don't worry Otacon I'll save you!  
  
-Snake's stunt double jumps in and cuts Goro's arms off-  
  
Snake: Stick that in your pipe and die!  
  
Goro: Noo my arms! Puny man Goro eat you!  
  
Snake: Lets go!  
  
-grabs Otacon and they run for the door at the end of the hall way-  
  
Otacon: Where does this lead to?  
  
-The door busts down and Snake and Otacon walk through the door. They are both in full Scooby Doo attire-  
  
Snake: Zoinks! This is like some creepy mansion.  
  
Otacon: Reah.  
  
-the closet door busts open and Goro walks out-  
  
Goro: Grr you think you get away puny Shaggy man? me crush you both with me pinky!  
  
Snake: ZOINKS!  
  
-they get chased through various rooms in the house by Goro while corny 60's music plays in the background-  
  
-Snake puts on a dress and Otacon puts on a knight's armor and they begin to dance with Goro-  
  
Goro: Woo you lady's know how to party!  
  
-Snake and Otacon push him into a bucket of water-  
  
Goro: Grr, you trick me!  
  
-They tie Goro up with a mop-  
  
Snake: Now time to unmask him!  
  
-Snake began to tug on Goro's hair-  
  
Snake: Zoinks, this is like a good mask!  
  
Otacon: Rull rarder!  
  
Snake: Like stop talking like that!  
  
Otacon: Rike rop raking rike rat!  
  
-Snake pulled on Goro's hair once again and his head popped off-  
  
Fatality.  
  
Snake: Whoops.....  
  
-They took off their costumes and backed away slowly. Then took off in a sprint.-  
  
  
To Be Continued in: Resident Road Trip II 


End file.
